Description: Classic - Extended telling - Pretzel Hold
Two rednecks, Jake and Bubba, were sitting in a bar one night watching
rasslin' on the tube. At the end of the match was an advertisement. A
loud, obnoxious character came on screaming about the $10,000 dollars prize
money for anyone who could defeat "The Killer".
Jake looked at Bubba, a 6' 4" giant with the brain the size of a pea, and
got an idea. He told Bubba, "I bet you could beat that guy. He doesn't
look so rough, and you're no wimp." Bubba thought about it for a minute
and agreed that he probably could.
The next weekend Jake and Bubba went down to the stadium where the
tournament was to be held and signed Bubba up. An old man came up and
started briefing them on the rules of the contest and such. Jake, seeing
Bubba was a bit nervous, asked the old man for any tips. The old man
looked up to Bubba and said, "Just you watch out for his pretzel hold.
Ain't nobody ever gotten out that thing."
One by one, the contestants ahead of Bubba went in and came back balled up
and hurting. Two hours after they arrived, Bubba's turn was finally up.
In the ring, right before the bell rang, Bubba looked back at Jake and
said, "Don't worry buddy. I can avoid that pretzel thing." But not ten
seconds after he had gotten up in the ring was The Killer laying on top of
the contorted ball of Bubba and the referee was pounding the mat, counting
Jake screamed and started walking back to the locker rooms. He was pissed.
He had shelled out $500 to get Bubba in this contest, and it didn't last
20 seconds. But right before he got to the door, the crowd went wild!
Jake ran back to the ring to see Bubba with one foot on top of the
unconscious Killer and one armed raised in the air by the referee. Jake
ran into the ring and jumped on Bubba. The crowd was out of control, and
Jake and Bubba were $10,000 richer!
Later in the locker room, Jake confessed to Bubba he didn't see what
happened. Bubba said, "Well, The Killer got me in his pretzel hold and I
thought all was lost. I hurt like I'd never hurt before and all I could
hear was the ref slamming his hand down counting to ten. Then I looked and
front of me and saw this big, hairy sack of balls. I had nothing to lose
and figured it might even help. So I stretched a little further and bit
down as hard as I could on those things."
"Jake," Bubba said. "You wouldn't believe the strength a man gets when he
bites his own balls."