Description: Shaggy Dog Punch Lines
Subj: It's "The sons of the squaws on the adjacent hides equal the squaw on
(The Shaggy Pun Test)
by Dan Judd
It happens to all of us. You are sitting with a group of friends
and all of a sudden you are overwhelmed by the urge to tell a long
somewhat improbable story that ends with a pun. Loud groans are made
and you are pelted with pillows, cushions, paper, garbage and anything
else that comes to hand. Why does this happen, and why do certain
people seem to be more likely to be stricken with this dread disease.
Dubbed SPS (Shaggy Pun Syndrome) by prominent psychologists, this
illness has baffled scientists. What causes it? -Love of groaning sounds,
subconscious desires to be hit with loose objects in the room, or
some deeper cause such as becoming fixated at the silly phase? Whatever
the cause, SPS can become a serious mental illness, and if unchecked
in its early phases, can result in minor injury(from beatings), major
injury (from worse beatings), and even death (from still worse beatings).
Don't despair, treatment is becoming available, ranging from
oral counseling, to gags, to tongue removal. As an early warning
device the SPT (Shaggy Pun Test) has been developed, based on the idea
that retention of puns can lead to SPS. The SPT is a collection of
"punch lines" from said stories; recognition of over a critical number
can indicate serious potential for SPS. If caught early enough it is
hoped that the puns may be removed by surgical means.
To take the SPT merely make an x beside each punch line that you either
remember the story that goes with, or that you can easily build a
story to fit. Remember a score of 100% is not necessarily desirable.
__1. The squire on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the other
__2. two obese Patties,
Lester Cheese picking bunions
on a Sesame Street bus!
__ 3. Moral: Let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers.
__ 4. Moral: People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
__ 5. Moral: Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.
__ 6. Moral: If the foo shits, wear it.
__ 7. Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis
__ 8. I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this.
__ 9. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in
an open foyer.
__10. I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco.
__11. Moral: A niche in time saves Stein.
__12. SOW ROPE, NATEY-O!
__13. Well, there's something about an aqua volvo, man...
__14. Moral: A washed pot never oils.
__15. Transporting mynas over sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
[Other version of the punch line:]
[ Carrying gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.]
__16. It's a long way to tip a Raree.
__17. Rudolph, the Red, knows rain, dear
__18. For making an obscene clone fall.
__19. Doctor, the thong is ended, but the malady lingers on!
__20. Where were you when the fit hit the Shan?
__21. ... They had left no tern unstoned.
__22. ... abscess make the fart go HONDA!
__23. Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!
__24. These are the 'times' that dry men's soles.
[Alternate: These are the soles that time men's tries]
__25. and he thus became the first chicken to catch a tory.
__26. The next day, the headline in the paper read "Peter Viper
wrecks a truck of pickled Steppers".
__27. Ike's Aunt gets nose hat is fact, son
__28. Dee, who flaps last, flaps left
__29. That's the beer that made Mel Famie walk us.
__30. the first time a reign was called on account of the game.
__31. Opporknockity tunes but once.
[Alternate: O'Pernokkety tunes but once.]
__32. Came the reply, "That was no laser--that was my knife!"
__33. Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars!
__34. Stop right where you are, boyfoot bear with teak of Chan!
__35. A gritty pearl is Michael, LLD.
__36. Which just goes to show that, a Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
__37. Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?
__38. We have come to seize your berries, not to appraise them.
__39. When you're out of slits, you're out of pier!
__40. We can't have archaic and edict, too.
__41. Contributing to the delinquency of a miner!
__42. I'm booking over that 4 clove leaver, though I've overcooked before!
__43. Knick Knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan.
__44. Another case where the spirit was willing but the flush was weak.
__45. Time's fun when your having flies
__46. A fiery 'stead with the spite of Leed, A clout of dust
And a hearty 'Buy old Silver'
__47. It's a rambling rack from George the Turk with an elephant engineer!
__48. All of Hing's courses and all of Ming's ken couldn't get gum
tea to feather a hen.
__49. MORAL: Let a swine be your gorilla in a grainy, grainy bay. And if
your Swede decries, just tell her that a swine will always pay...
__50. ... stilling two birds with one's cone.
__51. General Minh prefer bronze.
__52. With fronds like these, who needs anemones?
__53. Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!
__54. Better Nate than lever.
__55. The hills are alive with the hounds of Munich.
__56. He who has a Tate's is lost.
__57. Arti chokes 3 for a dollar at local market.
__58. MORAL: A stolen roan gathers no moose
__59. ... but actually mah hammered alley is really cashews clay.
__60. but of course, the Czech is always in the male.
__61. the star mangled spanner.
__62. See! even adders can multiply on a log table
__63. MORAL: You can't have your kayak and heat it too.
__64. You fools! we have ways to make you tock!
__65. I don't know, but his face sure rings a bell
__66. No, I'm a frayed knot.
__67. Because Herman the German was used to hard ships.
__68. I don't know, but he's a dead ringer for his brother.
__69. You're thore!!! I can't even thit!!
__70. She is just suffering from pre-minstrel tension.
__71. Yeast is yeast, and nest is next and never the Maine shall tweet.
__72. He's a typical gnu, and tiler, too.
__73. The furry with the syringe on top
__74. He's not the rigger Mort is
__75. I don't know. Am I my blubber's kipper?
__76. It's the Moron Tab or an Apple Choir.
__77. The trill of Vicar Rhee in the agony of the feet.
__78. The Koahla tea of Mercy is not strained.
__79. It was the bottom of the Ninth, the basses were loaded, and the
score was tied.
__80. Lucy in the dye with Simons
__81. It was the beast of Thames, it was the wurst of Thames.
__82. making him the first to wire a head for a reservation.
__83. that has nothing to do with it, he is just a poor conductor.
__84. Everyone knows... Tarzan Stripes Forever
__85. Your father's pre-ministerial syndrome caused his premature
'Hey Jack, you're late, son'
__86. Lou Slips, Sinks Ships
__87. You can take a hearse to water, but you can't make it sink.
0 - 10 No danger (healthy)
11 - 25 Minor SPS (recommend therapy)
26 - 40 Moderate SPS (recommend gag)
41 - 52 Punster -- major SPS (recommend tongue removal)
53 - 87 Paronomisiac -- extreme SPS (recommend lobotomy)