FileTitle: List1368.html
Category: Humor
Type: List
Description: Murphy's Laws at Work
MURPHY'S LAWS ON WORK

 - A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

 - Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

 - The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

 - You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

 - Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will
   happen to you the rest of the day.

 - Never ask two questions in a business letter.  The reply will discuss the
   one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.

 - When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking
   about themselves.

 - If at first you don't succeed, try again.  Then quit.  No use being a
   damn fool about it.

 - There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the
   boss asks for a ride home from the office.

 - Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would
   be so many.

 - Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.  This is what I'm doing wrong.

 - Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

 - Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

 - To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

 - Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is
   supposed to be doing.

 - Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

 - The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible
   for everything that goes wrong  - until the next person quits or is
   fired.

 - There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is
   always enough time to do it over.

 - The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization.
   (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and
Organizational
   Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...).

 - If you are good, you will be assigned all the work.  If you are really
   good, you will get out of it.

 - You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

 - People are always available for work in the past tense.

 - If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

 - At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the
   number of pens that person is carrying.

 - When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

 - You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.

 - No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

 - When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by
   reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

 - The longer the title, the less important the job.

 - Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman
   arrives.

 - An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist
   to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

 - Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

 - All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.

 - Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.