FileTitle: Poem8.html
Category: Humor
Type: Poem
Description: I'm Glad I'm a Woman
I'm Glad I'm A Woman

   I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am
   I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam
   I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
   I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions
   I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
   and I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!

   I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt
   my belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut
   and I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch
   or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch
   I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
   I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind!

   I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing
   I don't have body hair like shag carpeting
   It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back
   When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack
   And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb
   I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
   Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
   I'm a woman, you know -- I've got far too much pride!

   And I honestly think its a privilege for me
   to have these two boobs and squat when I pee
   I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball
   I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
   I won't tell you my wife just does not understand
   stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
   or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
   then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!

   Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see
   you can forget all about that old penis envy
   I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks
   join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick
   I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true
   I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!