DICTIONARY OF DATING
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ATTRACTION    the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT     what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely
                      choosy people meet.

DATING        the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and
              energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't
              especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot
              less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special
     pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.

EASY          a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a
              man.

EYE CONTACT   a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man
              that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do
              so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the
              eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to
              the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND        a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some
              flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE  a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted to by
              the man as "playing hard to get."

INTERESTING   a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all
              the talking.

IRRITATING HABIT  what the endearing little qualities that initially
                  attract people to each other turn into after a few months
                  together.

LAW OF RELATIVITY    how attractive a given person appears to be is directly
                     proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

NYMPHOMANIAC  a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often
              than he does.

SOBER         condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.