FileTitle: Prose263.html
Category: Humor
Type: Prose
Description: Al Davis and the Raiders
Al Davis had put together the perfect Raiders team for '96.
The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had
scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, and he
couldn't find a ringer quarterback that would ensure a Super
Bowl win.

Then one night, watching CNN, he saw a war zone in Bosnia.
In the background, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a
young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a
hand grenade straight into a 15th story window 200 yards away
--ka-boom! He threw another hand grenade into a group of about 10
soldiers a good 110 yards away--ka-blooey! A car passes
going 90 miles an hour--bulls-eye! Right into the barely
open window.

"I've got to get this guy," Al says to himself. "He has the
perfect arm!" So he brings him to the states and teaches him
the great game of football. Predictably, the young man breaks
all the NFL records for completed passes, and the Raiders go
on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Bosnian is lionized as the Great Hero of Super
Bowl XXXI, and when Al asks him what he wants, all the young
man wants to do is to call his mother.

"Mom," the young man says into the receiver, "I just won the
Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You
deserted us. You're not my son."

"I don't think you understand, mother" the young man pleads.
"I just won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm in
the middle of thousands of adoring fans."

"No, let me tell you," the mother implores. "At this very
moment, there are gun shots all around us. The neighborhood
is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an
inch of their life last week, and this week
your sister was raped in broad daylight...."
The old lady pauses, in tears.

"... I'll never forgive you for moving us to Oakland."