FileTitle: Prose468.html
Category: Humor
Type: Prose
Description: Two New Chemical Elements (Man and Woman)
> Two new elements have been discovered.
>
> < >  < >  < >  < >  < >  < >  < >  < >  < >  < >  < >  < >  < >  < >
>      Element            : WOMAN
>      Symbol             : Wo
>      Atomic Weight      : 120 (more or less)
>
> Physical Properties:  Generally round in form.  Boils at nothing and may
> freeze anytime.  Melts whenever treated properly.  Very bitter if not used
> well.
>
> Chemical properties:  Very active.  Possesses strong affinity to gold,
> silver, platinum, and precious stones.  Violent when left alone.
> Able to absorb great amount of exotic food.  Turns slightly green when
> placed beside a better specimen.  Ages rapidly.
>
> Usage:  Highly ornamental.  An extremely good catalyst for disintegration of
> wealth.  Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
>
> Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
>
>  - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - +
>  -
>
>      Yet Another New Element on the Periodic Table
>      =============================================
>
>      Element            : MAN
>      Symbol             : XY
>      Common Name(s)     : Varies anywhere from John to !@#$&*!
>      Atomic Weight      : 180+/-100
>
> Physical Properties:  Solid at room temperature but easily gets bent out of
> shape.  Fairly dense and sometimes flaky.  Difficult to find a pure sample.
> Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily
> as young, fresh samples.
>
> Chemical Properties:  Attempt to bond with Wo any chance it can get.  Also,
> tends to form strong bonds with itself.  Becomes explosive when mixed with
> Kd (element Kid) for a prolonged period of time.   basic.  Neutralize by
> saturating with alcohol.
>
> Usage:  None really, except methane production.  Good samples are able to
> produce large quantities on command.
>
> Caution:  In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins
> to smell.