FileTitle: Prose468.html
Category: Humor
Type: Prose
Description: Two New Chemical Elements (Man and Woman)
> Two new elements have been discovered.
>
> < > < > < > < > < > < > < > < > < > < > < > < > < > < >
> Element : WOMAN
> Symbol : Wo
> Atomic Weight : 120 (more or less)
>
> Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may
> freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used
> well.
>
> Chemical properties: Very active. Possesses strong affinity to gold,
> silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone.
> Able to absorb great amount of exotic food. Turns slightly green when
> placed beside a better specimen. Ages rapidly.
>
> Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for disintegration of
> wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
>
> Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
>
> - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - +
> -
>
> Yet Another New Element on the Periodic Table
> =============================================
>
> Element : MAN
> Symbol : XY
> Common Name(s) : Varies anywhere from John to !@#$&*!
> Atomic Weight : 180+/-100
>
> Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature but easily gets bent out of
> shape. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample.
> Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily
> as young, fresh samples.
>
> Chemical Properties: Attempt to bond with Wo any chance it can get. Also,
> tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with
> Kd (element Kid) for a prolonged period of time. basic. Neutralize by
> saturating with alcohol.
>
> Usage: None really, except methane production. Good samples are able to
> produce large quantities on command.
>
> Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins
> to smell.