Subject: Urinalysis

Ray's tennis elbow had been killing him, so when he was passing by the
doctor's office one day, he decided to stop in.  The nurse told him he
could see the doctor in twenty minutes, but first he had to provide a
urine sample.  Ray told her that was absurd for an elbow examination,
but she insisted.  Finally, he agreed.

Later, he was ushered in to see the doctor, who said, "That tennis
elbow is really acting up, huh?"

"The nurse told you, then?" Ray asked.  "No," the doctor replied.

"It's the urinalysis."  He explained that he'd purchased a new
machine that could diagnose absolutely every physical condition
with total accuracy.  The machine cost a fortune, but it cut down
on his work so much that he was able to get out on the golf course
at three every afternoon.

Ray didn't believe a word.  However, he did agree to provide another
urine sample when he came back in for another checkup.

Two weeks later, Ray was sitting at the breakfast table talking with
his wife about the ridiculous machine.  They decided to have some fun
with the doctor.  Ray peed in the bottle, and so did his wife and
teenage daughter.  Then, as he opened the garage door, Ray had another
idea.

He put a few drops of crankcase oil from his car in the bottle, and then
beat off and added a few more drops.  Then he shook up the bottle,
drove to the doctor and handed the bottle to the nurse.

This time the analysis took an entire hour.  When Ray sat down, the
doctor looked at him. "I've got some bad news for you," he said. "Your
daughter's pregnant, your wife's got V.D., your car is about to throw a
rod, and if you don't stop beating off, that tennis elbow is never going to
heal."