When he walked into her bedroom, her father saw his daughter
masturbating with the aid of a vibrator.  "What are you doing?"  "I'm
30 years old, fat, ugly and I've never even had a date.  There's no way
I'll ever get married so this vibrator is my substitute husband."
Several days later the daughter comes home from work and sees her dad
sitting in a chair watching TV.  He's got a beer in one hand and her
vibrator in the other.  "What's going on?" she asks.  "Just having a
beer with my son-in-law."  Lyle's Joke Boutique.