THE FACTS OF LIFE:
                   ====================

 Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill.  Check 3
 friends. If they're OK, you're it.

 Sex is not the answer.  Sex is the question.  "Yes" is the
 answer.

 Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

 A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

 It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in
 rats.

 Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

 If you are given on open-book exam, you will forget your book.

 COROLLARY:  If you are given a take-home test, you will forget
 where you live.

 The trouble with doing something right the first time is that
 nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

 It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
 warning to others.

 Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

 The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because
 the average man can see better than he can think.

 Paranoids are people, too;  they have their own problems.  It's
 easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid,
 too.

 A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make
 you feel happy to be on your way.

 Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence
 on society.

 Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from
 where you left them to where you can't find them.

 Law of Probability Dispersal:  Whatever it is that hits the fan
 will not be evenly distributed.

 Supplement:  A .44 Magnum beats 4 aces.