FileTitle: Prose1932.html
Category: Humor
Type: Prose
Description: Management Report Writing
[Reproduced from Newsweek (May 6, 1968, pp.104, 104B, 104C) and
copyright owned by Newsweek, Inc.]
Isn't it interesting how little things have changed in 30 years!
A then-63 year old U.S. Public Health Service official named Philip
Broughton hit upon a sure-fire method of converting frustrations into
fulfillment (jargonwise). Euphemistically called the Systematic Buzz
Phrase Projector, Broughton's system employs a lexicon of 30 carefully
chosen "buzzwords":
Column 1 Column 2 Column 3
0. integrated 0. management 0. options
1. total 1. organizational 1. flexibility
2. systematized 2. monitored 2. capability
3. parallel 3. reciprocal 3. mobility
4. functional 4. digital 4. programming
5. responsive 5. logistical 5. concept
6. optional 6. transitional 6. time-phase
7. synchronized 7. incremental 7. projection
8. compatible 8. third-generation 8. hardware
9. balanced 9. policy 9. contingency
The procedure is simple. Think of any three-digit number, then select
the corresponding buzzword from each column. For instance, number 257
produces "systemitized logistical projection," a phrase that can be
dropped into virtually any report with that ring of decisive,
knowledgeable authority. "No one will have the slightest idea of what
you're talking about," said Broughton, "but the important thing is that
they're not about to admit it."
So whether you want some responsive organizational flexibility or some
functional management options this is the chart for you. Happy report
writing!