FileTitle: Quickies141.html
Category: Humor
Type: Quickies
Description: Misc. One-liners
Once when I was lost.. I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my
parents. I said to him.."Do you think we'll ever find them." He said.."I
don't know kid.. there are so many places they can hide."

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth
floor.. so they sent a priest up to talk to me. He said.."On your mark..."

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next tuesday.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up
my wife!

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips..yet she
won't drink from my glass!

A travel agent offered me a 21 day special. He told me I would fly from New
York to London. Then from Tokyo back to New York.  I asked him.. "How am I
supposed to get from London to Tokyo?" He told me.."That is why we give you
21 days."

They say.."Love thy neighbor as thy self." What am I supposed to do?  Jerk
him off too?

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time
an egg.

I got myself good this morning too. I did my push ups in the nude..but I
didn't see the mouse trap.

A girl phoned me and said.."Come on over there's nobody home." I went over.
Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

If it weren't for pick-pocketers I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said.."Are you
going to  hate  yourself in the morning?" She said.. "No.. I hate myself
now."